Most of us can relate to being on the receiving end of other people’s opinions and questions when it comes to having children.
Today, society has this silent pressure that you should have a good job, meet a partner, get married, and have children. Therefore, spouses who decide not to have kids must often have to justify their decision to others. People who don’t understand such a decision can be pretty clumsy and ask personal questions that are not their business whatsoever.
These questions can often be very personal and unpleasant and can make the recipient feel uncomfortable especially when asked why they’ve chosen not to be a parent.
Unfortunately, not having children can be considered the ultimate form of egoism – but when couples who are perceived as “different” want to have children together, then the view of what is egoism changes quickly…
Over 20 years ago, Patti White from California got some news that both made her over the moon and concerned. Her daughter Lisa announced that she was pregnant.
Lisa has Down syndrome, a congenital and chromosomal disorder that manifests itself in varying degrees of physical and mental impairments. But what many people tend to forget is that a lot of people with Down syndrome can take care of themselves, have jobs, and lead independent lives.
However, the likelihood that two people with Down syndrome can have a child is lower than that of other couples because it’s rare for a man with Down syndrome to father a child.
When Patti White heard that a grandchild was on its way, she was very surprised – but she stood completely behind her daughter Lisa and her decision to keep the child.
At 29 years old, Lisa had her own apartment and she worked full time at
the local Goodwill store. She had been living on her own for 11 years.
“She got along with everyone. “She could do everything except the cash register. She liked it there and they liked her,” Patti told Voice in 2016.
Lisa had also started a relationship with a man with Down syndrome, they dated but lived in separate houses. Patti understood her daughter had a healthy adult relationship – they also discussed things like birth control and safe sex.
“At the time all the books said males with Down syndrome were sterile and people told us not to worry about it as they couldn’t get pregnant,” Patti said.
But fate had other plans.
Patti had just returned from lunch at work and was listening to the message on her voice mail. She then had a message from an excited Lisa:
“Hi mum, I just wanted you to know you are going to be a GRANDMOTHER!” Patti says, “My mind went in all directions. How could this be? Her boyfriend has Downs!”
Lisa’s decision to have the child was criticized by outsiders as irresponsible and selfish and her ability to be a good mother was also questioned. But her family was very supportive and protected their daughter.
Lisa, a well-articulated and passionate person, had a common pregnancy in several ways. She went to childbirth classes, had a pregnancy coach, and had all the typical symptoms.
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